โ€œYou’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching, love like you’ll never be hurt, sing like there’s nobody listening, and live like it’s heaven on earth.โ€ -William Purkey

I caved and shopped online last night.

And I got this bikini on sale for $22 as opposed to $70+ that bikinis cost nowadays. Being a girl is so damn expensive!!

ImageI can’t wait to wear it though. I’m thinking of summer every single day… My mom is thinking of either going on a cruise this year or to Taiwan… or JAPAN! I’ve heard that Japan is a LOT of fun, and I loooooove Japanese food.ย 

Speaking of Japanese food, my parents and I went to The New Ginza in Watertown last night. It was SO. GOOD. I got the Ebi Mango. It was so, so incredibly good. So, if I can go to Tokyo this year, I won’t be so sad about having less time in my new bikini…NOMS

I’m starting to come to terms with my grandpa passing away. I talked about funny memories I had of my grandpa with my parents last night at dinner, and I found that talking openly about it and laughing about the good times made me feel a lot better. It makes me feel like my grandpa isn’t gone forever and that he’s still here… just in a different form. My grandpa used to go to the homeless shelter downtown to eat (he was never homeless, but he was incredibly thrifty). He would tell us how delicious the food at the shelter was… My grandpa was hilarious. Closer to the end of his life, he would give people raising money for hospitals $20 bills at a time. My mom and grandpa would fight about it, but he did it because he had a good heart. I love my grandpa so much, but I have to let go in order to live my life more fully. It hurts my heart to say it, but it’s true..

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“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” -Dr. Seuss

You know what I realized from yesterday? If you want to have a good day, you have to make it good. I went to the MFA with T and C yesterday. The night before that, T and I were chatting on the phone talking about what outfits we could wear to the MFA, and we decided that it would be best to wear all black.. ๐Ÿ™‚ We were both going to wear dresses, but it ended up being way too cold. I wore two pairs of leggings, my new leather jacket, a floral shirt, and high heel black boots…Before we went, T got me FORTY free scarves. She hooked me up… big time. A club at our school sent over thousands of scarves as a sponsorship thing…and I got 40 of them. So. Awesome. After the MFA (which was really, really fun and interesting), we went to PF Chang’s together. Me and C got Hot and Sour soup (really yummy), Chicken Lettuce Wraps (really good), and Dan Dan Noodles (was okay, but it was too salty). We took lots of great pictures last night.. It was really awesome. Then I went with T on an adventure to find nude seamless undies to wear under her dress next week (FOR HER BIRTHDAY!!!! I can’t wait to celebrate with her)

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I realize today after talking to Reed that I under-charge for tutoring… ย I can’t believe that people pay $40+ per hour when I’m charging $20/hr… Even at $20/hr, I feel like it’s too much… I feel like I’ve realized a million times this year that I’m too nice to ever be “in power.” …I need to toughen up.

WELL, it’s the weekend. It’s Saturday. After watching tv, I’m going to do something worthwhile today. Maybe I’ll do one of those 15 minute workouts on YouTube.ย 

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.” -Steve Jobs

C, my boyfriend, has been making me sad lately. He tells me that he has trouble falling asleep, because he often thinks about losing me, or him dying & me losing him… It’s just depressing. For years, I’ve been “supportive,” and I thought that it was really sweet… but last night, I honestly started feeling annoyed. I told him that he just had to try harder to go to sleep, because not sleeping had caused ME to become depressed, over eat, not exercise, and lose focus. He told me that I was being really unsupportive… and that worries me. If we’re married one day, and he’s acting a certain way & can’t help the way that he’s acting, am I just supposed to be supportive, and say, “Oh, honey, everything will be okay,” instead of trying to help him? I guess I’m not allowed to say anything, because I’ll be the “nag.” UGH. I can’t wait for that title. He says that I’m just supposed to trust him to do the right thing… and I want to, but it’s been years. Obviously, I don’t want to be his mother, but I really care about him. At least he’s not doing drugs, right? I’m a huge worrier.

Should I just focus on myself and not worry about him?

Help?

“When we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inward and examine ourselves.” -Confucius

I am setting a new goal for myself (It’s funny how I do that in almost every post): Spend more quality time with the people I love and less time thinking/worrying/obsessing over people who aren’t nice to me and who step all over me.

I spent the day working on a problem set for Econ (it’s so satisfying figuring out problem sets for Econ… after taking Linear Algebra last semester, everything else just seems so much more manageable… I guess taking Linear Algebra ended up stretching out my brain a little. If only it wasn’t for my terrible grade, it would have been, overall, an enjoyable class.

I was too emotionally drained to write a longer blog post last night about what happened. Basically, it was the usual miscommunication between unhappy people in my club and my having to deal with it because of my position… T is seriously contemplating quitting. I just have to say that despite all of this crap, I’ve learned a lot about being more assertive this year (although I still need a lot of work in that department). C thinks it’s good that I’m “too nice.” …It just makes me feel like I would never be capable of running a successful business. I’m much more direct that I used to be, but it’s definitely a work in progress.

Aside from the debacle of last (I don’t want to spend anymore energy rehashing what happened, because what’s the point?), I had a nice time studying with C and Henry last night. Here’s a picture of Henry. He’s so sweet (I just wish he would stop sneezing on… everything.) He gets very lonely, so he will follow you around and climb onto your lab and settle himself on your chest.ย Image

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Back to studying. Sorry I don’t really feel like talking tonight…Have a good night xo

“Time goes by so fast, people go in and out of your life. You must never miss the opportunity to tell these people how much they mean to you.” -Unknown

I guess waking up early all week has taken a bit of a toll on me. I tried waking up at 9:30 today, but I ended up hitting the snooze button about a million and one times and woke up at 11 finally… Now in the past, 11 would have been pretty early for a Saturday morning, but post New Year’s resolution, it’s pretty late… Oops. Oh well. I’ll do better tomorrow.

It was a pretty dreary day today, and I didn’t do much of anything other than watch TV and surf the web. I edited a little bit for the magazine that I’m a part of this year, but that’s really pretty much it. C texted me at 10:30 to ask if I could come over and cuddle, but once it started it snowing, I didn’t want to go out anymore, and when I told him, it made him really sad… And then he asked me if I had feelings for him anymore, and that made me really sad. I told him that it made me upset that he asked that, but then he stopped me and reminded me of the many, many times I accused him of not loving me… And then I finally realized how hurtful my saying that to him was. So, note to self: Don’t accuse C on not loving you anymore even if you feel insecure. It’s not nice. I’m kind of frustrated with myself right now, but if I stay up trying to do stuff, I’ll just wake up late tomorrow and get on a cycle of waking up late and doing nothing and having no energy. Ugh. Sadness all around.

On a brighter note, me and my parents ended up going to dinner tonight at an all-you-can-eat sushi restaurant. We ordered two spider rolls (which definitely does not contain spiders – there’s soft shell crab in there), two dragon rolls (one with salmon, one without), a salmon skin roll (pretty bad), a dynamite roll, an entire squid chopped up into pieces (I was not a fan…seeing tentacles really freaks me out…like really, really freaks me out), 4 tobiko (fish egg), and 2 pieces with the large eggs (I wanted to try it – it tasted like ocean water.) There was also a bar, where you could get crawfish, snow crab legs, seaweed salad, avacado salad, etc. Wow, listing all of these things…. C would have hated eating there haha. Well, if we ever go, there’s a section on the menu for teriyaki & noodles stuff. That works. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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I also have to admit that I went online shopping today… I’ve been shopping A LOT lately. I need to stop. Really, really need to stop. I just couldn’t help myself when I found this, because I have been looking for this for the longest time, and I love it so much, and I will wear a million times, and I will never, ever get tired of these.

ImageIt was also $41 off… Ok, I’ll have to start small so as to not go completely crazy, but I resolve not to shop for the next week. For anything (other than food. No one can take me away from my food.)

Time for squats. Bye! xo

It’s All in the Details.

I had the best day today.

I woke up at 10am, got ready for school, and walked to the C line. Instead of listening to podcasts on my iPhone like I usually do, I just enjoyed the busy silence of the day and the fresh air. It’s kind of a problem that I’m always plugged into the Internet. It’s really nice to unplug & enjoy. ๐Ÿ™‚

I participated twice in my political thought class today! And I also talked to this guy, A, who sits next to me. He used to be in my comp sci class, but I had never talked to him then. He seems really nice – I’m pretty sure he’s a freshman. I think that my participating in class is either scaring people away from being my friend or making me more likeable… I really hope it’s not making me unlikeable. I always admire people who participate in class.

I went to MB today with my friend, and it was pretty good! By the end, we were both chocolate wasted. I only finished half of the “chocolate pizza” I got. I ended up getting it wrapped up and giving it to a homeless guy. When I gave it to him, I was scared of possibly offending him. As we walked closer, I was trying to think of something non-offensive to say, and I ended up just saying, “Do you want this? It’s chocolate.” Eh, I’m kind of wincing right now, because it sounds kind of douchey of me to have said that, but oh well. He responded with “Chocolate?!” and then he took it, and now that I think about it, I think he went back to talking on his cellphone….. Uh… Well he had a cup of change..? Maybe this is his part-time job. I’m really confused now.

T and I found a boutique called No Rest for Bridget, and everything in there is so wonderful and gorgeous and beautiful and spectacular and fabulous. Everything in the store is something I would have picked to be in the store. I found a vegan leather (I don’t know what that means) jacket on sale! It was $70, and I got it for $40. T got a gorgeous off-white lace dress with a little semi-circle cut-out in the back. Very Spencer-esque (from Pretty Little Liars). I’ve been looking for a leather jacket for 3 years, and I finally found one that I absolutely love. Here are some pictures:

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Then I took T to Lush & got a shampoo bar called “Jumping Juniper.” Here’s the description from the website:

Herbal hair magic to transform oily hair

Our purple shampoo bar jumps into action to sort out oil problems on top. It cleans away grease and balances sebum production for soft, shiny (in the good way) hair. Fruity juniperberry oil sorts out your oily, congested scalp, while lemon and lime make your hair clean and shiny and give it an extra fresh scent. The incredible herbal duo, lavender and rosemary are superpowers if youโ€™re having troubles in the oil department. Rosemary has been used for hundreds of years for its anti-bacterial capabilities, while lavender is known for its ability to balance and soothe the scalp. You’ll be jumping for joy in no time!

I’m going to try it tonight & I’ll let you know what I think. The bar should be good for 40 washes. We’ll see if that works out, because I always end up using way too much liquid shampoo. I’m skeptical about the lather of this, because it looks like a bar of soap, so I hope it proves me wrong… ๐Ÿ™‚ I got the extra tin too, so it would last longer & so I could hold future shampoo bars in it (if this relationship works out haha..)

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When I came home, my dad was in the garage assembling his new snowblower. I just thought to myself, ‘ah, these are little moments that I’m going to remember.’ And these moments are so ordinary, but they’re so special. Since my mom went out to dinner with some old co-workers, my dad suggested that we go out to eat. I was kind of nervous, because it can be very awkward being alone with my dad – he doesn’t really talk much, and I don’t really have much to talk to him about… but it ended up being a great night. We walked to a vietnamese restaurant that we’ve been going to for years (we both got beef pho – I got a small order, and he got a large order, like always), and he told me about the old days when he used to own a restaurant, how he was lucky to have sold it for the amount that he did, he talked about how BC kids used to order from his restaurant late at night after football games, and we talked about my sister and her boyfriends (haha…yeah, me and my dad were gossiping). He said that he hoped my sister would get married soon, and I told him that I noticed a lot of my cousins still weren’t married, and they were 30+ (I have about 13 cousins). And he said, “You need to find the right person before you get married!” And I said that I knew, but it’s just interesting how most of my cousins who are 30+ are still not married, and is this an epidemic, and will I be affected, and I don’t really think so, but who knows. When we were about to leave, the waitress stopped us and told my dad he forget his white cap. Yup, that’s my dad. ๐Ÿ™‚ The little things just make me really happy. We walked home together, and it wasn’t awkward at all. He told me that he had made some kind of pumpkin soup concoction. When we came home, there was a box of oranges my dad’s boss had given to him, and my dad asked if I wanted to try one to see if it was sweet or not, and I said I would try it later, and five minutes later, he told me that it was sweet. I saw that my pumpkin that I had gotten from school was still on the staircase, and I said, “hey, my pumpkin’s still here!” and he said, “Yeah, I used the green one that mom got, because I don’t know if orange pumpkins taste good.” And I don’t eat pumpkins, so I don’t know, but I told him that other people ate orange pumpkins.ย And I’m writing all of these little things down so I won’t forget them, because I already almost forgot everything just now as I was typing, and I always want to remember this day. (Note to self: If you’re reading this one day when dad is gone, remember this day & know that he loves you very much & that the very last thing that he would want for you is to be miserable over him being gone & that he wants you to live a happy life & not spend your life being miserable. Ok? Ok.)

I’ve been having really good days today. I think it’s definitely linked to getting enough sleep and eating better.

Anyway, happy Friday! If you’re feeling down, go out and do something new this weekend! xo

“To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.” -Aristotle

Huge lesson/big theme for this year: learning how to stand up for myself.

I’m always so caught up on being considerate towards others that I always end up giving myself the short end of the stick… but I can’t live like that anymore – I can’t continue to live in fear of being considered a bitch. I have to take care of myself. I have to do what’s best for me!

K went back to CA today. It actually made me really sad… I sent her a text to say goodbye on my way to school this morning, and I told her that I would miss her. She said that the next time she would be back would probably be Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving seems SO far away! Thanksgiving seems to have just passed (even though it’s January, I know). I can’t imagine ever being that far away from family… I even feel bad about getting married and moving out one day. I can’t imagine moving across the country by myself. Definitely not. Do I have attachment issues…?

I also met up with C at Central today! We sat in the cafeteria together, and I had soup and a burger (weird combination, but it was gooood) I definitely eat a lot more when I’m with C. I think it might be because C makes me feel so comfortable about myself. He is definitely going to make me gain a lot. I worked on reading for my political thought class (last night, I organized my binder into 5 sections, and made colorful binder divider, and put in reinforcements, and all that jazz) , and I took notes on the reading – really unheard of for me. Who takes notes of assigned reading? Apparently me, now. C also got my chocolate…..two bars. of gold. chocolatey gold… *drooling*

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I forced myself to participate in my sociology and public policy class today. It gave me such a rush, and I felt so incredibly good and nerdy after haha. I’m going to make it my own personal goal to participate in at least two of my classes every Tuesday and Thursday and in my MWF class every day.

I have plans with T to go to Max Brenner tomorrow! I can’t wait to go to Lush & see what they have for Valentine’s day. I probably won’t get anything, but I just like seeing what they have. I also heard that there’s a Lush Spa opening in New York, so I’ll have to check that out this summer. ๐Ÿ™‚ Here’s what I found on the website:

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If I was rich, I would buy Lush products all. the. time.

New goal: Get rich, get Lush products all the time. Just kidding. Kind of.

“The simple things are also the most extraordinary things, and only the wise can see them.” -Paulo Coelho

It’s official: I’m only going to have one class on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and it’s at 1. Yup. That’s right. And it’s an interesting class too! It’s on political thought in early china. It’s a philosophy, history, and theology class all rolled into one, and after today’s class, I’m really excited to do work. I’m having the best semester – I love all of my classes, and I’m motivated to do well in all of them!

Oh, and I slept at around 10:30PM last night, which is really unheard of for me. Several nights during winter break, I was going to sleep around 4AM, because I would procrastinate going to sleep by watching YouTube vlogs and Big Bang Theory reruns… No wonder I felt so shitty over break… Anyway, even though my first class was at 1, I woke up at 10AM and felt like I had slept in! So I had time to do a little reading for psychology. Now that I think about it, I should really get back into using my agenda, because I have a lot of little things to do for each of my classes…

After class, I went to Staples to get college ruled filler paper & a one subject notebook for this one class that I have on MWF. I figure that I’ll use a binder for the four classes I have on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I’ll use a notebook for my MWF class.

Then I walked over to Coolidge Corner, and as I was walking, I took time to notice everything that I could. I thought about what these streets will look like in 5, 10, 20, 50 years? It’s pretty interesting to think about. I used to think that segways would be a huge thing, but that hasn’t really worked out… at least not yet. I know it’s a bit random, but it’s interesting to see people having conversations on the street and thinking about this one moment in time and how someone in the past or future will have a conversation in that exact same spot. What will they be talking about? And would people in the past be surprised by what these people that I saw were talking about?

…Anyway! I went to the bookstore, and I found a cute mug that was 75% off (Christmas sale!) I think it’s really cute. It makes me happy. ๐Ÿ™‚ And it was $3!

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Then I went to the Body Shop, and I usually don’t get anything, but they were having a big holiday sale too…. I got this body polish for $5. It smells reallyย gooood.

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Ok, I’m going to organize all of the notes that I’ve been taking, order books for my new class, figure out all that I have to read for tomorrow’s classes, do my squats, and drink water!! haha. Bye! xo

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.” -Laozi

It just had to rain today. This is what happens in Boston. You have really good weather one day, and what does that mean? Impending doom. Just kidding – I actually really like the rain. It would have been nice to have an umbrella though.

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Yeah… It was a soup day. ๐Ÿ™‚

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I really enjoyed my psychology class today… because my professor is crazy. He told us that when he was little, he had ADD, but no one knew what ADD was, and the concept of naptime really confused him, because when he woke up in the morning, it would be like turning a dial from 0 to 1,000, and the concept of napping at 11am just didn’t work for him. So, he told us that he gets really easily distracted in class, so he’d rather us not use laptops and to not click our ballpoint pens, because “that would clearly be an act of hostility toward me.” I am absolutely taking this class – the waiting list for this psych class is more than 180 people. I’m one of the lucky ones. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I also made it a point to make myself extremely uncomfortable by striking up conversations with three people today!!! And they were all really friendly and didn’t bite and didn’t end my life!!! It’s funny how frightened I am one second before I’m about to say hi and how completely relieved I was after I introduced myself. Three new potential friends today? Now, that’s an accomplishment…

I’d say that today was a big success. It felt awesome to go to a 9AM class, because I haven’t done that in two years, and 9AM feels incredibly early, but waking up at 7:15 and making it in time for a 9AM class makes me feel really productive! At this rate, I’ll have 4 Tuesday Thursday classes, and only one Monday Wednesday Friday class at 1PM.

I decided not to take multivariable calculus this semester, because I’m not prepared to do this for the rest of the semester:

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I mean, if I had prepared better, I definitely would have been able to take this class… but I’m kind of feeling …not motivated to minor in math… I’m really proud of C for doing it though. I just did so badly in Calc II that I feel like I need a lot more time to patch up holes of concepts I didn’t learn properly. Sitting in Calc discussion today was brutal..

Oh crap. I forgot to exercise today. I did a lot of walking though? And I ate well too! … I’ll do some squats tomorrow.

Little steps!ย I have to say, though, I feel a lot more mentally healthy now that I’m forcing myself to sleep more and take better care of my body. I just feel better, and I feel happier.

I’m going to continue being productive and get some reading done for psychology… ๐Ÿ™‚ Have a good night, everyone! xo