“A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.” -Laozi

It just had to rain today. This is what happens in Boston. You have really good weather one day, and what does that mean? Impending doom. Just kidding – I actually really like the rain. It would have been nice to have an umbrella though.

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Yeah… It was a soup day. 🙂

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I really enjoyed my psychology class today… because my professor is crazy. He told us that when he was little, he had ADD, but no one knew what ADD was, and the concept of naptime really confused him, because when he woke up in the morning, it would be like turning a dial from 0 to 1,000, and the concept of napping at 11am just didn’t work for him. So, he told us that he gets really easily distracted in class, so he’d rather us not use laptops and to not click our ballpoint pens, because “that would clearly be an act of hostility toward me.” I am absolutely taking this class – the waiting list for this psych class is more than 180 people. I’m one of the lucky ones. 😉

I also made it a point to make myself extremely uncomfortable by striking up conversations with three people today!!! And they were all really friendly and didn’t bite and didn’t end my life!!! It’s funny how frightened I am one second before I’m about to say hi and how completely relieved I was after I introduced myself. Three new potential friends today? Now, that’s an accomplishment…

I’d say that today was a big success. It felt awesome to go to a 9AM class, because I haven’t done that in two years, and 9AM feels incredibly early, but waking up at 7:15 and making it in time for a 9AM class makes me feel really productive! At this rate, I’ll have 4 Tuesday Thursday classes, and only one Monday Wednesday Friday class at 1PM.

I decided not to take multivariable calculus this semester, because I’m not prepared to do this for the rest of the semester:

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I mean, if I had prepared better, I definitely would have been able to take this class… but I’m kind of feeling …not motivated to minor in math… I’m really proud of C for doing it though. I just did so badly in Calc II that I feel like I need a lot more time to patch up holes of concepts I didn’t learn properly. Sitting in Calc discussion today was brutal..

Oh crap. I forgot to exercise today. I did a lot of walking though? And I ate well too! … I’ll do some squats tomorrow.

Little steps! I have to say, though, I feel a lot more mentally healthy now that I’m forcing myself to sleep more and take better care of my body. I just feel better, and I feel happier.

I’m going to continue being productive and get some reading done for psychology… 🙂 Have a good night, everyone! xo

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“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” -Carl Jung

When I was little, I always noticed people’s calves. It was like my indicator of how much I wanted to be that person… or that person’s friend. (Obviously, I feel really bad about this, but for some reason that was what I was thinking) If he/she had skinny ankles, and well-defined upper calves (but not too defined), I found that person instantly likeable. I myself had kind of chubby thighs with not much definition, so, um, yeah. I kind of hated it. I don’t have an eating disorder, and I didn’t do anything to try and change my calves – I think, laughably, I was too lazy to do anything about them, and I love food too much to deny myself. Anyway, it was just one of the things I obsessed about. I always checked out my calves in reflective surfaces – I just thought they would magically change, I guess.

Another thing: There’s this one little (increasingly large) spot on my head that I am obsessed with picking at.

I also pick at the skin near my thumbs.

I definitely do these things when I feel anxious, stressed out, and when I feel like I need control in my life.

And I desperately want to change these behaviors of picking at myself, because I want to love myself. I am my only me, and my biggest dream is to be a mom and to raise children, but how am I supposed to do that if I’m being mean to myself?

I’ve also been working on decreasing the amount of negative things I say to myself in my head. My goal isn’t to be egotistical at all, but when you look in the mirror every day and you tell yourself nasty things like “Ew, your pores are massive, and your face looks so ugly… Look at your hair!” Etc. etc. It may seem harmless, but your thoughts become what you project to the world… I just want to love myself. That’s my resolution not just for 2014 but also for however long it takes to change.

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So, from now on, I will stop picking at my head and let my hair grow back. I will stop picking at my skin, which is just about the hardest thing ever for me. And I will try my hardest to put good things into my body.

I’m going to start a water count featured at the end of each blog post a day, so I can keep myself accountable. I hate drinking water. My mom and sister used to have to sit next to me and make sure I drank the cup of water they poured me – that’s how much I hate it. Now, I had a little lemon or lime to it, and it’s a little more bearable. Anyway, my goal will be to drink at least 40 ounces a day, which is a whole lot for me.

Today’s Water Count: 40 ounces