Valentine’s Day & Other News xoxo

I remember how important it is to write down things so that I can look back and remember them one day. Today it snowed again, and I’m getting really tired of it. Seriously, weather gods, cut it out. It’s not funny anymore. Yup, we’re all going to die apocalyptically. 

Okay, so yesterday was Valentine’s day, and I didn’t go to school. I was going to, but I had just missed my train, and I was like, ok, shit, if I go now for my one class, I’m going to be late. Then, it started snowing sideways, and I was like, F this, peace out, I’m going to get my NEW LENS. I went to Hunt’s Photo Sho in Kenmore, and they didn’t have it. The guy there said that he would call me when they did, and so I went downstairs to Starbucks to mope around and look up other photo stores. When I came out of the shop though, K was there!!! It was so serendipitous and crazy and unexpected. And we both just looked at each other like Is this really happening?? And it was, and we talked about how crazy and stupid people are like we always do – I think it’s our “thing,” and then she had to go, because her boss was coming to pick her up for her job, and I went to starbucks, got a caramel frap (IT WAS DELICIOUS), and I overheard an interviewer interviewing an interviewee for a job, and this interviewee takes a call in the middle of her interview and proceeds to text. Like, what? Honestly? Come on. 

Anyway, then I went home and started to get ready, watched YouTube on how to Valentine’s day hair, whatever that means, curled my hair, C came over, and we hung out in my room, watched an amazing Bob Ross video of him painting a beautiful picture (I WOULD LOVE ONE OF THESE ONE DAY. TOTALLY AMAZING. AMAZEBALLS. SOOOO AMAZING.) Then, we played around with my lens, cuddled for a little bit, and we went out. We went to Shaws (Brown Sugar was closed for break…3-4. ugh.). At Shaws, we got 99 cent white bread (stupidly I thought the ducks would be out downtown at the Boston Common), I gave my plethora of Valentine’s Day candy that I had gotten from T and from my boss to a homeless person, and then we went on the bus to go to Kenmore — to go to UBURGER! I got a Stunt Double Burger with onion rings — it was good at the time, but I really regretted this decision later. Like, really. Then we went to the Boston Common, played with some squirrels, went to C’s house, looked at photo albums of him being a very strange looking baby, then we hung out, went to McDonalds, and he took me home. It was really nice. For the first time, I could really see myself wanting to spend the rest of my life with him in a very genuine way. It was genuine before, but this was on a whole other level. It’s just so nice to connect with someone on such a pure and genuine level – a genuine kind of love that has no other intentions – to truly love someone is a very raw and beautiful thing. You’re exposing yourself completely to this other person, and it feels …naked. When it hurts, oh, it hurts so so so so so bad. It feels like the end of the world. Nothing else matters. The pain pierces through every part of your body, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. No one can say or do anything to make you stop loving your love even if it hurts so much. But when it’s good, it’s heaven. That’s the best way I can describe it. It’s magical. It’s …yeah, it’s magical. 

So today was a bit of a lazy day. A and his mom came over to get advice about picking classes, and it was really good to be honest about my high school experience. I told them about how much I procrastinated studying and learning math concepts and how I would spend math class studying for AP Enviro (we just had so much reading every single night) — It felt good to be honest. It always feels good to be honest and to share experiences with A. My aunt told me about how when she was little, she hated history, because her history textbooks would be lies. She read many, many books, which is why she knew they were lies. My grandpa would insist that the textbooks were truth, because he was part of that “party.” I was afraid to ask what party she was referring to, and I’m just not going to think about it, I guess. Anyway, I shared my physics flashlight, which I really love — A is deciding between taking physics and chem, and I advocate for physics, but of course everyone is saying that physics is a lot of math…. but honestly, the math is not hard, and chem was harder for me to grasp… definitely. 

Today, mom told me to feel a bath mat. It was wet. She asked me what I felt. I said, it feels wet. Then she said, oh this is the princess lifestyle, she brings things up when they’re wet. I was soo confused and annoyed. Then I realized, she thought I had brought these clothes up. Nope. Then I reveled for a little while she complained, and I said, I didn’t bring them up. Then she said who did??? And I said, Dad did. And then she asked Dad…and he said he brought them up because the time on the dryer was up. And then, I was like I think you owe me an apology, and my aunt was laughing, and I got no apology. TYPICAL. TYPICAL. SO TYPICAL. SO ANNOYING. But it’s okay – since it clearly has not affected her day, I shouldn’t let it affect mine. Letting it goooo….

Goodnight. Xo

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“Judge a man not by how he treats his equals but how he treats his inferiors.”

My sister came home for dinner today, and it was super awkward and quiet at dinner. Her left eye was all red for some reason, and my mom kept pointing it out, telling my sister that she needed to get more sleep, laughing about how my sister says she is so busy, and demanding that she drink the chicken soup she made especially for her. My sister is leaving to Mexico on Thursday – it’s supposed to snow on Thursday : 6 inches. I don’t know anymore, is that a lot? I just want the snow to end already.

I feel a LOT better today. I did pilates for blogilates – Cassey Ho is absolutely amazing. She is so encouraging that during her workout, I felt like crying, because I felt so incredibly connected to her. It made me think about how YouTube is revolutionizing the world, because Cassey does the full 30 minutes with you, so what’s the point of going to a class? I guess people are more held accountable if they pay money for a class and have to show up and do it in a group setting. I’m determined to continue doing at least one of these videos a day, because I feel GREAT!

My bottom left wisdom tooth is killing me. It’s growing in. My three other ones are just about all grown out… The reason why I’m not getting them taken out is because… like hell are you going to put me under and drag me to a dentist’s office unless it is absolutely necessary. I hate the doctor’s. I hate hospitals. I hope I just die in my sleep one day. I absolutely, absolutely am terrified by hospitals.

I entered a contest on Instagram today for some $400 boots… The idea was to come up with an outfit that you would wear with the boots. There are only three entries at this point: 1) one person didn’t even put up a caption with the outfit they’d wear with the boots 2) the second person didn’t come up with an outfit in the style that the person asked for 3) ME. I did it. Um, okay, so I’m hoping everyone forgets about it & time goes on faster so that I can win these boots basically by default. 

I did a lot of reading today – today was a much needed rest day. Back to reading and feeling myself again. :*

Feeling Low.

I’ve been feeling so incredibly low these past couple of days…

C has about $1.08 in both his savings and checkings account combined, and he’s been really depressed, and his sleep clock is really off.. We went to Shabu yesterday, and it was really good, but C was really quiet… We also went to Mixx afterward, and that was nice – I got froyo with lots of strawberries and blueberries, as well as cookie dough and mochi. Yum 🙂

Today, I went fabric shopping with my sister, and we went to Michael’s, and I got lots of looping bands to make bracelets for people on Valentine’s day..

Man I don’t know. I just feel really out of it……… I just feel really sad… Help? I need a boost.. I’m going to bed now with the hopes of feeling better in the morning. I don’t know, I just feel like bursting into tears for no reason… There’s technically nothing wrong, but I feel like everything is. Do I have a condition?

I called C and he seemed really bummed out and wasn’t really talking much, so I accused him of not caring about me… I sound really unlikeable right now. I know. I hate getting into this loop of self-hate. It’s so toxic.

My wisdom teeth are growing in and the pain is killing me.

Why am I falling apart???? Really, it’s time for bed…

Thursday is the best day of the week.

Ah, it’s 12:25AM, but in my mind it’s still Thursday. 
I went to my aunt’s house for another Chinese New Year dinner tonight. A showed me how his cat comes running when he plays cat noises on his iPad. It was so cute and funny. She also chases around pieces of string if you dangle it in front of her. 🙂 

We watched Impractical Jokers on YouTube together, and A showed me how to make these rubber band bracelets that all of the kids are crazy about these days.. That makes me feel incredibly old oh my god haha. There have been several times these past couple of months when I’ve thought to myself, “Wow, I feel really old…” even though I know I’m not actually old at all, and in 20 years, I’ll be kicking myself for thinking I was old when I was only 20. And I’m probably really annoying people who are older than me right now. Sorry!

I wrapped up T’s presents tonight. I really love giving presents. I think it’s my love language… 🙂 I’m giving her two dresses – one long maxi dress that’s blue and yellow & my black dress with a bow tie in the back that she really loved, a pink flannel Aerie sleep…shirt thing, and Demi Lovato’s book, Staying Strong 365 Days a Year. I’m really excited to be giving it to her!!!

Damn, I totally forgot that I have a group project due in a week… I’m really honestly dreading doing this project… I know, it’s not hard, but the process of contacting people is more difficult than the project itself. How ironic. I’m going to be really relieved once this is over though. I should go to sleep early so that I can make brownies to take to our meeting tomorrow night…Goodnight. Pictures tomorrow!!!