“Every time you do a good deed, you shine the light a little farther into the dark. And the thing is, when you’re gone, that light is going to keep shining on, pushing the shadows back.” – Charles de Lint

I went out to dinner with my old roommate, her mom, and her brother, who will be going to college nearby next year. My old roomie and I grew out of contact, and I think she spent a majority of our freshman year talking about me behind my back. I tried really hard to go out of my way and be nice to her even though I didn’t get anything in return.

6 minutes before we were supposed to meet, they called and said that they were just getting on the subway and that they were going to be late, so my mom decided to just go and pick them up. I was incredibly annoyed, because it’s like… if you’re going to be late, don’t tell us when we’re just about to get to the restaurant! I thought it was pretty rude, but my mom was very calm about it. She’s a good role model in that way – I think it’s both good and bad that she is so calm about these things, because I feel like being OK with people treating you that way can make people think they can walk all over you. Anyway, we went to pick them up and I was apprehensive about having dinner with them, because my old roomie never put in any effort towards hanging out with me all of last year. I just tried to be as positive and open and nice as possible, and it ended up being ok (I think). We ended up giving them a ride afterwards too.

So today… I learned that I should be nice to people without expecting anything in return, and that’s the best way to live: without keeping score, because I should be generous toward others, and also, ultimately, in the end material things don’t matter. People will not remember the things you did, but they will remember the way you made them feel (or so I’ve heard). This is definitely going to take some time to sink in for me.

First day of Spring semester tomorrow – I’m exhausted – sweet dreams. xo

Water Count: 20 oz 😦 I’m determined to do better tomorrow. I’m going to carry a water bottle around with me.

Advertisements

“If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” -Roald Dahl

I had a great girls night in last night at my sisters apartment. K came over too. We picked her up at the D line & went to Peet’s Coffee and Whole Foods together (to get a roasted chicken for dinner) – K’s visiting from Cali this week. I really miss her being in Boston, but I think she’s ultimately happier there and just needs some time to figure stuff out

We talked in my sister’a kitchen for about 6 hours!! A was there, so was W and my sister’a new friend K. It was actually really fun, and it felt so good to sit around and laugh. We talked about everything. It was nice to remember what it’s like to sit with un-judgmental friends, shooting the breeze. At a lot or points in the convo, I just sat listening, but it was comfortable. I definitely had to remind myself to speak every so often, because I get lost in listening to the conversation and end up just sitting there staring, like I’m watching TV.

We made crépes too! I was so impressed with A because she made the mix for crépes without burning any of them at all! They were nice and spongy 🙂

Image

What I ultimately learned from our conversation was that you can’t change people. We all have different opinions about things, and that’s okay. This is something that I’m finally realizing and that I think I’ll get better at dealing with. It’s so important to just be your best self, and if someone doesn’t like you, that’s fine. You shouldn’t let other people’s negativity outshine your attempts at being positive. If you are your best self and you treat others well, then someone speaking badly of you and not liking you is not your fault. It kind of feels like a relief to really understand this – I feel like I’ve always known it, but I’m beginning to really understand it. And it feels good.

And it feels like such a relief to be in good company – to be with people who are happy to be there for you and who are happy for your successes… and who don’t laugh or get angry and insulted when you have a different opinion.

So, future N, when you feel really down in the future, remind yourself to surround yourself with good company – don’t define your self-worth based off of people who simply just don’t like you and who will never truly be there for you just because. And know that you can’t change them, but you can change yourself. You can change your own attitude – and just be as nice as possible, and you can do no wrong.

This post is all over the place, but forgive me – I only had a few hours of sleep last night due to talking all night with N and K… it’s okay though – definitely worth it.

Oh, also I got BANGS yesterday!!! New year, new hair. I love it. 🙂 I love this place on Comm Ave – it’s called Louie’s.

After getting my nails done today (I got Tour De Finance! SO PRETTY), I went to Panera with C in Coolidge Corner, and we had such a nice chat (a fireside chat haha). I got a cinnamon raisin swirl bagel and some Dr. Pepper mixed with Mountain Dew (oops for drinking two cuploads of sugar..). He’s working on eating healthier and getting more sleep, and he looked so, incredibly handsome… Really, I am the luckiest girl in the world. He treats me like such a princess, and I just feel so happy to have him in my life. He makes me feel complete and every other cliché in the book. Just typing this makes me so happy.

ImageImageImage

C told me about him teaching his dad Javascript and how that made him really happy to do that… He’s so sweet. C’s going to NJ tomorrow with his mom to “see Grandpa for the last time” or perhaps the last time. It makes me sad that I can’t go with him, because I start school on Monday.. It also makes me sad that if his grandpa passes away, I will have only met him once. He seems to have lived such an adventurous life though, and I wish I had more time to sit down and listen to his stories. I really love that.

I should make Valentine’s Day plans with C! Maybe we could go to Shabu… haha we go there so much.. I know that PF Chang’s is where we started out going in high school, but it just seems like too sweet and sour for me now. I feel like Shabu Zen is a lot more cozy? I can’t wait to live with C on day… 🙂 I think we go really well together. He makes me want to live forever.

Water Count: 20 oz – need to do better tomorrow!