Healthy State of Mind

Wow. It’s been a really long time since I’ve posted on my blog! I remember the last time I posted was when I was working on my “autobiography” for sociology on the top floor of BU’s central library with Chris, and he wrote on a little note, “You’re cute.”Β 

Anyway, a lot has changed since I posted in the cold middle of winter. Well…actually, it’s still really cold.

I’ve been working out semi – regularly by following along with Blogilates videos, and I can feel my body getting stronger with every workout. I know this sounds ridiculous, but it feels amazing. I love this feeling of being in control of my body. I learned that your outsides are a reflection of your insides – I had never fully made this connection between my mental and physical state of mind before, but learning this really resonated with me.

I’ve stopped eating large quantities of unhealthy food in the middle of the night… and I learned that your physique is 80% determined by what you eat. I had just never really consciously thought about my health this way before – I went to get frozen yogurt with my mom, aunt, sister, dad, and A & A the other day… I had been eating healthy all day, and I figured it would be ok to have some frozen yogurt and cookie dough… It definitely wasn’t. I woke up in the middle of the night in a sweat and rushed to the bathroom — and spewed out of all my orifices. My body was punishing me…and the cookie dough was probably poisonous. Yay.

Btw, I went to visit popo yesterday, and she was so cute. I gave her my sister’s big white teddy bear to play with in her bed, and she started playing around with it and ended up tucking the teddy bear in right next to her. My popo is like a cute little kid now haha. I gave her an orange to eat, read for enviro, and kept her company until she fell asleep. Then, I went home & mom and dad were already home talking to the guys who are working on our roof.Β 

Mom called me this morning at 7:15, and I was so confused and nervous – she left the stove on with eggs in it, and she asked me if the fire alarm was going off. She said that maybe dad turned the stove off for her… When I went downstairs, the inside of the pot was totally black and charred. Mom said, “I almost burned down my house and [my name],” and I thought that was pretty sweet & it made me smile, but it was so early in the morning and it smelled so bad that I didn’t say so.. Gotta show my mom that I really love her this Mother’s Day, or every day actually… I’m working on expressing my emotions outwardly to people like my mom – every time I think about doing it, it makes me want to cry. K, I still have emotional issues, but who doesn’t?

“Judge a man not by how he treats his equals but how he treats his inferiors.”

My sister came home for dinner today, and it was super awkward and quiet at dinner. Her left eye was all red for some reason, and my mom kept pointing it out, telling my sister that she needed to get more sleep, laughing about how my sister says she is so busy, and demanding that she drink the chicken soup she made especially for her. My sister is leaving to Mexico on Thursday – it’s supposed to snow on Thursday : 6 inches. I don’t know anymore, is that a lot? I just want the snow to end already.

I feel a LOT better today. I did pilates for blogilates – Cassey Ho is absolutely amazing. She is so encouraging that during her workout, I felt like crying, because I felt so incredibly connected to her. It made me think about how YouTube is revolutionizing the world, because Cassey does the full 30 minutes with you, so what’s the point of going to a class? I guess people are more held accountable if they pay money for a class and have to show up and do it in a group setting. I’m determined to continue doing at least one of these videos a day, because I feel GREAT!

My bottom left wisdom tooth is killing me. It’s growing in. My three other ones are just about all grown out… The reason why I’m not getting them taken out is because… like hell are you going to put me under and drag me to a dentist’s office unless it is absolutely necessary. I hate the doctor’s. I hate hospitals. I hope I just die in my sleep one day. I absolutely, absolutely am terrified by hospitals.

I entered a contest on Instagram today for some $400 boots… The idea was to come up with an outfit that you would wear with the boots. There are only three entries at this point: 1) one person didn’t even put up a caption with the outfit they’d wear with the boots 2) the second person didn’t come up with an outfit in the style that the person asked for 3) ME. I did it. Um, okay, so I’m hoping everyone forgets about it & time goes on faster so that I can win these boots basically by default.Β 

I did a lot of reading today – today was a much needed rest day. Back to reading and feeling myself again. :*

You are confined only by the walls you build yourself

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SNOW DAY TOMORROW!!!!! YOLO. (haha, no I don’t actually say YOLO in real life)Β 

I’m getting this shirt to wear on Valentine’s day in honor of the day of love. I’m kind of excited! I love any excuse to celebrate love : ) I’m kind of sad that the holiday season is over, but I’m glad we have little holidays like Valentine’s day to get me through to next year… ; ) haha

I could NOT sleep last night whatsoever. I ended up missing (skipping) my 9am class and felt terrible about it…It was Environmental Econ. I guess our professor finally came back from her leave and I’ll never know why she was gone because I don’t talk to anyone in my class 😐 ugh. I also skipped Psych, because I just really wanted to go home…. I came home after going to Shaw’s and getting a cucumber and a lemon to do this:

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“Why this combo?

1. Cucumber: contains citrulline which is an amino acid that has been shown to help our liver and kidneys get rid of ammonia which is a by product of the proteins our bodies burn for energy.

2. Water: helps flush toxins and waste through our system while keeping us hydrated.

3. Lemon: stimulates the digestive track so it’s helpful if you have constipation, heartburn, or gas.

4. Mint: helps you digest effectively because it improves the flow of bile from the liver to the gallbladder to the small intestine to break down dietary fats. It also helps relax cramped up stomach muscles.

5. Orange: contains flavonoids in the peel and juice that stimulate the immune system and protects against a fungi/pests while helping to reduce cholesterol levels.”

So, anyway, I went to BU today to meet up with C, and we ended up going back to his house to cuddle. In his sleep, C kept telling me that he loved me, and he kept kissing me on my neck. It was so romantic… πŸ™‚ His mom drove me home, and on the way we went to McDonalds (C got the 20 piece chicken mcnuggets & I got two mcchickens, fries, and a parfait – YUM haha) & to return 7 books that he borrowed from sci & engineering library :p his mom talked about possibly going to a karaoke night for C’s dad’s choir… yeah, I don’t think we’re going haha

Well, since tomorrow’s a snow day, we’re THIS much closer to the weekend hallelujah….I really need to stop skipping classes and start doing my readings more diligently… BAD N!

PRO TIP FOR PARENTING THAT I LEARNED TODAY – Instead of telling your child “You are so smart,” tell your child, “You worked so hard on that.” Children in a certain study involving puzzles who were told they were smart chose a less challenging puzzle to do next, because they still wanted to appear smart by being able to complete the puzzle… Children who were told that they worked so hard on the puzzle chose even more challenging puzzles in order to show off how hard they could work. Children in this second category take more risks and seem to be more true to themselves in the sense that they’ll go for what they really want instead of seeking approval… πŸ™‚

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Just say no!

We were talking about the Stanford Prison Experiment & the Milgram Experiment in sociology class today, and it made me really annoyed how we went over the concepts & didn’t really discuss anything. The way my sociology professor teaches is really annoying… She asks for definitions and examples of things and then says “Ok,” and moves onto the next term that we have to know… Like…what. There’s no point in going to class.

My environmental economics professor still isn’t back from wherever she’s gone yet, and it’s been two weeks… She has some family emergency abroad  😦 I feel bad for her, but the substitute professor is really awesome & he’s been very entertaining. We watched part of a documentary called Chasing Ice today (I really like documentaries, and I can’t wait to watch Blackfish with C). I’m starting to fall behind on the readings, so I’ll have to push myself not to have youtube playing in the background while I read… It just feels lonely not having any background noise, but at the same time, I get very distracted when I have background noise on… Maybe I’ll put on some noises from Sleep Pillow…?

I’ve been seeing VISIBLE results from exercising these past couple of days!!! Like, what?? I don’t remember the feeling of having a visible dip in my midsection — what is this?? A WAIST???? Incredible. It’s pretty interesting how people pop pills and go on juice cleanses trying to figure out what the “secret” of losing weight is when it’s not a secret at all. Burn more calories than you eat. Eat well & drink water. Go to sleep earlier. The end. My dad said that he read in the paper that going to bed later contributes to gaining weight, and I definitely believe that. For my case, DEFINITELY. Why? Because when I stay up, I start to feel hungry, and then I wander downstairs and heat up a frozen pizza, and I eat all of it, and then I fall asleep. Totally unproductive, totally didn’t use those calories for anything, so the pizza just sits in my body doing nothing useful for me…

Don’t get me wrong – I love my body. I absolutely love my body… but I want to, at the same time, put good things in it, because I deserve it, and this is the only body I’m ever going to have, so I might as well love it and take care of it. The human body can do some amazing things. I don’t want to not be able to run and dance and prance around one day. The Friendly’s chocolate ice cream I bought today on a whim beckons me… It’s in the basement, and I can hear it calling my name…. Ahh…Chocolate ice cream is so good to me…

Edit:

photo (3)Froyo C bought us yesterday from Pinkberry πŸ™‚

 

“Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.” -Tony Robbins

From this morning’s ramblings on the train:

Today is the first day of Spring semester, and the weather is beautiful! I am so excited to get started, and I’m really determined to have a good semester. I’m meeting up with T and C (who’s coming back from NJ right now!) at 2 after my calc class.

My goals for this semester are to do well in my classes, make new friends, spend more quality time with N and A, get to know people in my club better by making plans to hang out, to go swimming more/ to go on more walks with mom and dad, to drink more water (and fewer sugary drinks), and to eat better too. I’m determined to stop my cycle of depression this semester and find ways to cope with it instead of doing nothing and expecting things to change for me. I want to learn how to control these feelings of sadness so that I can be happy and so that I know what to do to get out of that funk when I find myself in it.

I’m on the train right now! Off to new beginnings πŸ™‚ I hope you have a lovely day xo

Now, 8:51PM:
I’m finally back home! I would say that today was a successful first day of the semester. I only had one class, which is really nice, but on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I will have 4 classes. Ouch. I might still be shuffling things around though (because I always do), so we’ll see. I have a 9AM tomorrow! Aah.

C came to visit me on campus today. We went to Fin’s, which is a sushi restaurant, and I got two California rolls and one Rock n Roll. He got his favorite – salmon friend rice. It was so nice of him to come all the way to BC. I bet he was really tired traveling from NJ. He really is the sweetest. I love spending time with him. πŸ™‚

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I just joined the Diet Bet | ShayLoss; Mommyloss Edition haha. I think that Shay Carl is an incredibly inspiring person, and you should check out his YouTube videos if you’ve never heard of him. He’s been making a video every single day for the past 4 years – can you even imagine? So, going along with the thread of motivating myself, following through, and taking care of my body, I decided to join the diet bet. What you do is put $30 in the pot, and if you reach the goal of losing 4% of your weight by the end of the month, you divide the pot up amongst everyone who also reaches the goal. They’re calling it “social dieting.” Because I am 137 pounds, and the bet is to lose 4% of your body weight, I have to lose 5.5 pounds (137*0.04). You also have to post your personal “secret word” that the site gives you, so they can decrease the chances of someone cheating. My word: Bike. Just to be clear, I’m joining the diet bet to motivate myself to eat, drink, and sleep better – it’s not about the numbers for me.

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I think that 5.5 pounds is an incredibly reasonable amount of weight to lose in a month. Challenge accepted πŸ˜‰

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” -Carl Jung

When I was little, I always noticed people’s calves. It was like my indicator of how much I wanted to be that person… or that person’s friend. (Obviously, I feel really bad about this, but for some reason that was what I was thinking) If he/she had skinny ankles, and well-defined upper calves (but not too defined), I found that person instantly likeable. I myself had kind of chubby thighs with not much definition, so, um, yeah. I kind of hated it. I don’t have an eating disorder, and I didn’t do anything to try and change my calves – I think, laughably, I was too lazy to do anything about them, and I love food too much to deny myself. Anyway, it was just one of the things I obsessed about. I always checked out my calves in reflective surfaces – I just thought they would magically change, I guess.

Another thing: There’s this one little (increasingly large) spot on my head that I am obsessed with picking at.

I also pick at the skin near my thumbs.

I definitely do these things when I feel anxious, stressed out, and when I feel like I need control in my life.

And I desperately want to change these behaviors of picking at myself, because I want to love myself. I am my only me, and my biggest dream is to be a mom and to raise children, but how am I supposed to do that if I’m being mean to myself?

I’ve also been working on decreasing the amount of negative things I say to myself in my head. My goal isn’t to be egotistical at all, but when you look in the mirror every day and you tell yourself nasty things like “Ew, your pores are massive, and your face looks so ugly… Look at your hair!” Etc. etc. It may seem harmless, but your thoughts become what you project to the world… I just want to love myself. That’s my resolution not just for 2014 but also for however long it takes to change.

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So, from now on, I will stop picking at my head and let my hair grow back. I will stop picking at my skin, which is just about the hardest thing ever for me. And I will try my hardest to put good things into my body.

I’m going to start a water count featured at the end of each blog post a day, so I can keep myself accountable. I hate drinking water. My mom and sister used to have to sit next to me and make sure I drank the cup of water they poured me – that’s how much I hate it. Now, I had a little lemon or lime to it, and it’s a little more bearable. Anyway, my goal will be to drink at least 40 ounces a day, which is a whole lot for me.

Today’s Water Count: 40 ounces