Healthy State of Mind

Wow. It’s been a really long time since I’ve posted on my blog! I remember the last time I posted was when I was working on my “autobiography” for sociology on the top floor of BU’s central library with Chris, and he wrote on a little note, “You’re cute.” 

Anyway, a lot has changed since I posted in the cold middle of winter. Well…actually, it’s still really cold.

I’ve been working out semi – regularly by following along with Blogilates videos, and I can feel my body getting stronger with every workout. I know this sounds ridiculous, but it feels amazing. I love this feeling of being in control of my body. I learned that your outsides are a reflection of your insides – I had never fully made this connection between my mental and physical state of mind before, but learning this really resonated with me.

I’ve stopped eating large quantities of unhealthy food in the middle of the night… and I learned that your physique is 80% determined by what you eat. I had just never really consciously thought about my health this way before – I went to get frozen yogurt with my mom, aunt, sister, dad, and A & A the other day… I had been eating healthy all day, and I figured it would be ok to have some frozen yogurt and cookie dough… It definitely wasn’t. I woke up in the middle of the night in a sweat and rushed to the bathroom — and spewed out of all my orifices. My body was punishing me…and the cookie dough was probably poisonous. Yay.

Btw, I went to visit popo yesterday, and she was so cute. I gave her my sister’s big white teddy bear to play with in her bed, and she started playing around with it and ended up tucking the teddy bear in right next to her. My popo is like a cute little kid now haha. I gave her an orange to eat, read for enviro, and kept her company until she fell asleep. Then, I went home & mom and dad were already home talking to the guys who are working on our roof. 

Mom called me this morning at 7:15, and I was so confused and nervous – she left the stove on with eggs in it, and she asked me if the fire alarm was going off. She said that maybe dad turned the stove off for her… When I went downstairs, the inside of the pot was totally black and charred. Mom said, “I almost burned down my house and [my name],” and I thought that was pretty sweet & it made me smile, but it was so early in the morning and it smelled so bad that I didn’t say so.. Gotta show my mom that I really love her this Mother’s Day, or every day actually… I’m working on expressing my emotions outwardly to people like my mom – every time I think about doing it, it makes me want to cry. K, I still have emotional issues, but who doesn’t?

“Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect.” -Demi Lovato

Tonight, I caught up with a bunch of old friends, and it felt really, really good to know that I have people who care about me even though we haven’t seen each other in a long time. I’ve got to remember to keep in contact with people and not revert to an anti-social place that I’m usually in… I talked to a friend who goes to NYU named N, and she offered me a place to live for spring break if I decided to come visit, and I think I might just take her up on her offer! I guess I’ve really got to buckle down and work hard on my term papers so that I actually have time to go and visit her and not make the break all about finishing my papers… Yikes! 

I also skyped with my friend, who’s studying abroad in Sweden this semester. I always feel a little bit awkward talking to her, and I always feel like there’s something she’s possibly not telling me. She reminds me of a little puppy – her feelings are hurt pretty easily, and she always seems a little bit sad, but it was really nice to talk to her. Then, I talked to C’s friend Y’s girlfriend, P, and she told me about her trip to Malaysia. I made plans with M from high school to hang out this weekend in Harvard Square, and I made plans with R to skype soon. I also called T after she got off of work at the library to talk as she walked back to her house. 

I’ve always had a lot of anxiety when it comes to talking to people… I don’t know why I get so anxious. I just feel like I’m always going to say the wrong thing, and I always feel like everyone is better than me… I’m trying to overcome that and to just realize that I’m not perfect, and I’m okay the way that I am. I’m trying to love myself more and more every day!

I told her what my friend T told me on skype – that the girl who was subletting the place in place of T threatened T with going to the residential offices and reporting her because of their heating situation in the house even though the landlord did everything he was contractually obligated to do. This girl is from somewhere extremely warm, and she insists on having the house 70+ degrees at all times, so the heating bill went from $70/person/month to $230!!!! Really annoying. So glad that I didn’t have to live with that many people this year and that I’m just living at home…